It’s Better to Receive Than to Give
Whaaaaaaaaaat??? Wait a minute! What an embarrassing typo. We all know it’s better to give than to receive. Right? So, what’s up here? Am I just saying this to be provocative or is this the ultimate example of dyslexia with ENTIRE WORD swapping?
Well, maybe a little bit of all of the above.
I’m super excited to announce that over the past few months I have finally fully embraced (or at least mostly embraced) the notion that it is at least “okay” to actually accept things from others. Accept help, accept compliments, accept donations. I’d dipped my toe into the idea that yes - it’s “okay.” I was a novice at this so I wasn’t running around pell mell saying, “I’m prepared to accept your compliment - so - um, where is it? I’ll take your compliment now.” But if something happened organically where a person offered to help with something I was no longer saying, “Oh no, I’ve got it. No problem.” I’d allow myself to stop and say, “thanks, that would be great, Yes, yes, please lighten my load. Please share your time and energy.” Back then this was new to me - and now, I’m really liking it. Like, really really liking it. You might wanna give it a try.
The pivotal moment came for me in November when I’d volunteered to staff at a retreat. Yeah, I’m good at volunteering. I’m good at the GIVING part. And my job was on the cleaning crew so I was cleaning like a fiend. I was GIVING my all. I was vacuuming with verve. And then, when I was lugging trash out, a guy came up to me reminding me that we needed to meet. I was clearly in the midst of double fisted trash bag lugging and he said to me, “Oh, here, let me take those out for you so you can have a quick break and we can meet in five minutes.” He then effortlessly took the burden from me and I stood in shock. Wait a minute. I’m the one who’s supposed to be working hard. I’m the one who’s supposed to be giving my all. I’m not the one who’s supposed to RECEIVE the help. But I WAS the one who received it - and oh my gosh - it felt great. It felt weird, but it felt great. During our meeting I mentioned what a marvel that simple act had been. How suddenly in that moment I’d realized that I have no skill set for receiving. He just chuckled and reminded me that everyone else has a right to give too. It’s important, he said, to let others feel the pleasure of giving, just as I feel the pleasure of giving. I was off kilter - but happily so - and recognized - I gotta get good at this. I gotta get good at letting other people help me. I gotta GIVE them the opportunity to GIVE which I can only do by RECEIVING.
As the leader of Everybody Matter it’s especially important to be able to receive because we can’t help the kids without the support of others, specifically financial support. And I’m no good at asking. I feel selfish. It feels wrong. I don’t mind so much asking for Tax Credit donations since people are able to get their money credited back to them, but even with that it has felt weird. But I learned from that guy that I have to RECEIVE and so I practiced asking. I practiced sending emails asking. I practiced talking to people in person asking. And it got easier over time. And when people give I send them a personal thank you card. And I hope that helps them know I’m happy to receive for the kids. And sometimes I think I’m funny in the cards, which is more than I’m sure they bargained for.
And so, thanks so much to all of you for allowing Everybody Matters to receive from you: your talents, your time, your donations! We couldn’t help all these kids without you!
And, yeah, I was being provocative in the title - you know - just to get your attention. Let’s respect the balance of Giving and Taking. Let’s decide instead that: It is important to both give and to receive.
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